"FRESH BREATH BITES": DECEMBER 10TH 2024

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TREAT TIME FAIL: BECAUSE WHY STOP AT ONE FAIL WHEN YOU CAN DOUBLE DOWN? SURE, UTAH DOES HAVE KENNEL COUGH, BUT THAT DIDN’T STOP HIM FROM GIVING MY “FRESH BREATH BITES” THE SIDE-EYE OF DOOM. TRIED AGAIN IN THE MORNING, SHREDDED THE EVIDENCE INTO TINY, UNRECOGNIZABLE PIECES, AND VOILA- HE ATE IT AS A KIBBLE TOPPER. CLASSIC DOG PARENT WIN: DECEPTION.

FIRST BATCH INGREDIENTS:

·      SPINACH

·      BASIL

·      MINT

·      A “SPLASH” OF APPLE CIDER VINEGAR (A BIT HEAVY HANDED, IF I’M BEING HONEST)

·      WATER

THE VERDICT:

KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID. THESE ARE BREATH MINTS, NOT AN ARTISANAL GARNISH FOR A MICHELIN-STAR PUPPY PLATE. NEXT TIME, I’LL STICK TO THE ACTUAL PURPOSE-AM/PM TREAT-TIME AND LEAVE THE “CULINARY MASTERPIECE” TO OTHERS.

WELCOME TO MY KITCHEN, WHERE I SET OUT TO MAKE DOG TREATS SO STUNNING, THEY’D GO VIRAL ON PINTEREST AND ENDED UP WITH CREATIONS THAT BELONG IN A CRIME SCENE DOCUMENTARY. THROUGH- UTAH DOESN’T CARE-AND ARE GONE IN SECONDS, I’M OVER HERE GOOGLING “CAN YOU FIRE YOURSELF?” BUCKLE UP FOLKS/IT’S GONNA BE A WILD RIDE.

*SIDE NOTE: CAN YOU ACTUALLY FIRE YOURSELF?